LIFE, BE GENTLE!

What do you tell a five and a half year old when she asks,"Dadi why do some people have to become stars?"

I am taken aback and then try to explain best to my ability without entangling the explanation.

I also tell her, "I am now both your dadi and nani, OK?"

She says  "Can I call you nani?"

I say, "Sure, you can"

After some time she calls,"Nani".

I say,"yes Sweetie",

 She says, "No, say yes Gudiya"

This little girl's nani lost her battle with cancer only a week ago. Although she does not understand much, but she is trying in her own way to comprehend some mysteries of life.

Long long ago, when I watched the movie, "Anand" or "Kal ho na ho", I felt very sad for the hero as well as his family and friends. The movies were brilliant and left an impact.

Then I would read in many places "Cancer Kills"

I read about Cancer survivors, Cancer support groups and Cancer Hospitals. Read about Runs for Cancer survivors,

Read about Nargis Dutt, Yuvraj Singh, Lisa Ray, Manisha Koirala and many others who had got cancer.

All these were informations for me, until  the day my friend was diagnosed with cancer.

Treatments took place, Chemotherapy happened, There were numerous scans, thousands of restrictions, and perpetual hospital visits.

One scan after another, one test after another. She had restricted diet, restricted water intake. Life was totally in control of the Doctor and her extremely caring husband.

Things were in control and then once again the dreaded disease surfaced. The chemo began again, but the weakened body could  not undergo the full chemo therapy. Radiation happened, steroids were given. All the types of treatments were done. Very religiously she would wake up with a resolve to be happy and live life. Her resolution to smile come what may, her will to fight, her desire to see her family happy always, made her face each day with more energy. This energy was all because of will power. The body had been failing. It was just her concern for her two daughters, her little grand daughter and her devoted husband which made her face each day with fortitude.

My brother participated in the runs for Running and living for Cansupport. He dedicated those runs to my friend.

The Doctors were not offering much hope. Each day was taken as a happy day, until the second of March, when her extremely frail body could take no more. She went away quietly. Her face was at peace at last.

In spite of knowing all along that death was imminent, that life was ebbing away, that chances of survival were very few, yet everyone clutched at the last straw of hope.

Death by cancer is dreadful. Yes it is. Nothing can prepare you for it. The pain, misery, trauma,death staring you in the face is extremely, extremely sad.

Nothing had prepared us for this. Her own suffering, and the added misery of dreading what would happen to her family. The pain, discomfort, cramps in the limbs, feeling extremely cold, aches, pain, nausea were unbearable. The family watching all this was extremely sad. They were the best supporters who stood by her every day. With love, patience, hope, dread and fear.

When cancer strikes all is lost.

There are  some cancer survivors, I wish there were more.

 I simply wish that this world be rid of this very sad calamity that attacks not one person but  the entire family.

I wish for a cure, I hope and I hope.

A few lines written by me,are shared with you,

"Standing by  the window,

Watching the waves recede deep into the night,

I watch a friend smile through her pain,

As she keeps on losing at every game.

I look on helplessly,

Not knowing what to say,

Words are so useless,

They sometimes are a bane.

My own tears are hidden,

It is agony,  fear, and pain,

I look on and listen,

Trying to sound so calm,

She  played fair all the time

And yet keeps losing every dime"

SAINT VARSHA….ANGRY?HURT??

We store so much of negative energy within us, that it gets to our body. The hate mechanism, the anger factor, the revenge theory, remains within us. It does not get translated into action against those who created those causes for our anger.

What remains within us and is not expelled becomes putrid after some time. Where it remains starts to feel its ill effects. We human beings need to remove all those sources of ill health from our body and mind.

Our mind is the store house of our thoughts. Thoughts actually control our mind. No, I don't have  any proof, but that is what I see and understand. I have seen different kind of people with different kind of issues. These issues are often factors which manifest in ill health, anger, annoyance and rage. 

When we are not able to resolve an anger issue, we become intolerant. That intolerance is vented out on those whom we love. That happens because those whom we love are vulnerable and within our reach. We are very unjust when we take out our anger on those hapless people who are used as our punching bags.

If we who can think, also try to control our life by controlling our thoughts and behavior, our own life and of those whom we love can become better.

I have an issue with a close relative who created a situation which hurt, upset and humiliated me very unjustly. I have been carrying that anger, hurt, within me. I have moved on in life otherwise, but I don't want to ever face that person again. I do think that I may face her sometime in my life, I wonder how that meeting will be. The one who created this problem  has moved on in life. I am the one who has remained with the hurt. I keep nursing it and avoid going to places where I may have to face her.

Now I think it is time that I cleared my own thoughts. It is time that I removed that hurt from my mind.

There have been so many in this world who have harmed mankind. So many who have harmed me personally, but I do not allow those demons to surface. They have been given a funeral and laid to rest, never to come back again to torment me.

Talking of them, thinking of them, dreading them, hating them, or even avoiding to talk of them, will not exorcise my mind.

I need to remove them lock stock and barrel, by forgiving them, and letting their thoughts be allowed to get buried. Make place for new happy thoughts and relationships. Allow that memory to be erased and replaced with those bright rays of sunshine, hope, happiness and move on in life with a hop, skip and jump.

  

ADIEU, GOOD BYE, FAREWELL

I will not hear you say "Varshaji" again,

You went away without a farewell!

My friend, I will miss you,

Your voice, your insistence,

Your generosity and 

Your beautiful countenance,

Your inner beauty,

Your all encompassing embrace,

Your opinions, your concerns,

Your love, Your considerations,

Your chaat, your style,

You were elegance and graciousness personified,

How can I ever thank you for giving me your personal possession,

Your daughter Jharna, who is just like you not just in countenance,

For this I will always thank you,

My dearest friend,

Adieu, goodbye, farewell!