LIFE, BE GENTLE!

What do you tell a five and a half year old when she asks,"Dadi why do some people have to become stars?"

I am taken aback and then try to explain best to my ability without entangling the explanation.

I also tell her, "I am now both your dadi and nani, OK?"

She says  "Can I call you nani?"

I say, "Sure, you can"

After some time she calls,"Nani".

I say,"yes Sweetie",

 She says, "No, say yes Gudiya"

This little girl's nani lost her battle with cancer only a week ago. Although she does not understand much, but she is trying in her own way to comprehend some mysteries of life.

Long long ago, when I watched the movie, "Anand" or "Kal ho na ho", I felt very sad for the hero as well as his family and friends. The movies were brilliant and left an impact.

Then I would read in many places "Cancer Kills"

I read about Cancer survivors, Cancer support groups and Cancer Hospitals. Read about Runs for Cancer survivors,

Read about Nargis Dutt, Yuvraj Singh, Lisa Ray, Manisha Koirala and many others who had got cancer.

All these were informations for me, until  the day my friend was diagnosed with cancer.

Treatments took place, Chemotherapy happened, There were numerous scans, thousands of restrictions, and perpetual hospital visits.

One scan after another, one test after another. She had restricted diet, restricted water intake. Life was totally in control of the Doctor and her extremely caring husband.

Things were in control and then once again the dreaded disease surfaced. The chemo began again, but the weakened body could  not undergo the full chemo therapy. Radiation happened, steroids were given. All the types of treatments were done. Very religiously she would wake up with a resolve to be happy and live life. Her resolution to smile come what may, her will to fight, her desire to see her family happy always, made her face each day with more energy. This energy was all because of will power. The body had been failing. It was just her concern for her two daughters, her little grand daughter and her devoted husband which made her face each day with fortitude.

My brother participated in the runs for Running and living for Cansupport. He dedicated those runs to my friend.

The Doctors were not offering much hope. Each day was taken as a happy day, until the second of March, when her extremely frail body could take no more. She went away quietly. Her face was at peace at last.

In spite of knowing all along that death was imminent, that life was ebbing away, that chances of survival were very few, yet everyone clutched at the last straw of hope.

Death by cancer is dreadful. Yes it is. Nothing can prepare you for it. The pain, misery, trauma,death staring you in the face is extremely, extremely sad.

Nothing had prepared us for this. Her own suffering, and the added misery of dreading what would happen to her family. The pain, discomfort, cramps in the limbs, feeling extremely cold, aches, pain, nausea were unbearable. The family watching all this was extremely sad. They were the best supporters who stood by her every day. With love, patience, hope, dread and fear.

When cancer strikes all is lost.

There are  some cancer survivors, I wish there were more.

 I simply wish that this world be rid of this very sad calamity that attacks not one person but  the entire family.

I wish for a cure, I hope and I hope.

A few lines written by me,are shared with you,

"Standing by  the window,

Watching the waves recede deep into the night,

I watch a friend smile through her pain,

As she keeps on losing at every game.

I look on helplessly,

Not knowing what to say,

Words are so useless,

They sometimes are a bane.

My own tears are hidden,

It is agony,  fear, and pain,

I look on and listen,

Trying to sound so calm,

She  played fair all the time

And yet keeps losing every dime"

SAINT VARSHA….ANGRY?HURT??

We store so much of negative energy within us, that it gets to our body. The hate mechanism, the anger factor, the revenge theory, remains within us. It does not get translated into action against those who created those causes for our anger.

What remains within us and is not expelled becomes putrid after some time. Where it remains starts to feel its ill effects. We human beings need to remove all those sources of ill health from our body and mind.

Our mind is the store house of our thoughts. Thoughts actually control our mind. No, I don't have  any proof, but that is what I see and understand. I have seen different kind of people with different kind of issues. These issues are often factors which manifest in ill health, anger, annoyance and rage. 

When we are not able to resolve an anger issue, we become intolerant. That intolerance is vented out on those whom we love. That happens because those whom we love are vulnerable and within our reach. We are very unjust when we take out our anger on those hapless people who are used as our punching bags.

If we who can think, also try to control our life by controlling our thoughts and behavior, our own life and of those whom we love can become better.

I have an issue with a close relative who created a situation which hurt, upset and humiliated me very unjustly. I have been carrying that anger, hurt, within me. I have moved on in life otherwise, but I don't want to ever face that person again. I do think that I may face her sometime in my life, I wonder how that meeting will be. The one who created this problem  has moved on in life. I am the one who has remained with the hurt. I keep nursing it and avoid going to places where I may have to face her.

Now I think it is time that I cleared my own thoughts. It is time that I removed that hurt from my mind.

There have been so many in this world who have harmed mankind. So many who have harmed me personally, but I do not allow those demons to surface. They have been given a funeral and laid to rest, never to come back again to torment me.

Talking of them, thinking of them, dreading them, hating them, or even avoiding to talk of them, will not exorcise my mind.

I need to remove them lock stock and barrel, by forgiving them, and letting their thoughts be allowed to get buried. Make place for new happy thoughts and relationships. Allow that memory to be erased and replaced with those bright rays of sunshine, hope, happiness and move on in life with a hop, skip and jump.

  

ADIEU, GOOD BYE, FAREWELL

I will not hear you say "Varshaji" again,

You went away without a farewell!

My friend, I will miss you,

Your voice, your insistence,

Your generosity and 

Your beautiful countenance,

Your inner beauty,

Your all encompassing embrace,

Your opinions, your concerns,

Your love, Your considerations,

Your chaat, your style,

You were elegance and graciousness personified,

How can I ever thank you for giving me your personal possession,

Your daughter Jharna, who is just like you not just in countenance,

For this I will always thank you,

My dearest friend,

Adieu, goodbye, farewell!

THE LOSING GAME

Standing by  the window,

Watching the waves recede deep into the night,

I watch a friend smile through her pain,

As she keeps on losing at every game.

I look on helplessly,

Not knowing what to say,

Words are so useless,

They sometimes are a bane.

My own tears are hidden,

It is agony,  fear, and pain,

I look on and listen,

Trying to sound so calm,

She  played fair all the time

And yet keeps losing every dime

Life's Cocoon

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

Nobody is indispensable, so she says,

Yet everyone has  a specific space,

Remember your space is for now and forever,

Not one remained, Alexander, Socrates or the Buddha,

No one can remain alive forever,

It is only in the memory of those we touch in our life,

It is only that empty space that once was our fife,

The joy, the laughter,

The planning and the plotting,

The sincerity, the love,

The advice and the teaching,

That over empowering, selfless defense,

The little hen gathering her flock with vigilance!

LIFE WITHERS AWAY

No one is indispensable, truly said,

Yet people look for that touch, and the way you led, 

That reassurance that life goes on,

Come what may,

Everyone who is born dies one day,

They are missed, leave a void, they are not at all dispensable,

They live on in the hearts of those,

Who were touched by them and shepherded,
Into a cocoon of love, life and laughter well blended.

MEMORIES IN BLUE!

TIME FOR REST?

SUNRISE

Life is very unfair, some people say,

How about sitting across the table, 
Reversing the rooms display?

There are those who only see bleak

While some others always find everything sleek.

It's all a matter of perspective I say!

SUNSET

The stars were there before I came,

When I am no more they will still remain,

Every sunrise fills me with hope and beauty,

I look at the day with its endless bounty,

Then look at the sunset awestruck at the sky's artwork,

It's all over today, is it already time to rest?

WHAT?

What did I do, what was my quest?

Did I do anything to earn my rest?

Time flies from sunrise to sunset,

Leaving me no time to stand and fret,

Yet at the end of the day,

Night overtakes and forces me to rest!

REST?

OF TRUST AND FAITH!

Superstition and blind faith play a very important role in our life. Often these affect our life without our even knowing about it.

Superstitions are based on beliefs. A belief is that which we follow without question. 

In India one often finds little babies with black tikka somewhere on their face. This black tikka is to ward off the evil eye of all those who look at the baby. I feel quite sad to think that we apprehend that some friend, relative or well wisher could have an evil eye which could harm our little baby. 

Well, that was just an aside, which has some part to play in the story that I want to tell you today. This story is about an intelligent person  who believes that he is very rational and does not believe in superstion or blind faith.

Once upon a time in the land of the five rivers of India, lived a prosperous cloth merchant. He had five sons. One of them got good education and as was the practice in those days, joined Government Service in British India. Soon he was transferred to the capital of India and moved to Delhi with his wife and daughter. As everything appeared to be  good, one would presume that they should have been a happy family. They had everything that a person needs to be happy, except for the fact that they did not have a son.

We have to remember that in India it is imperative that a son must be born in a household otherwise the ancestors would have a lot of discomfort as there would be no body to offer food and water to their souls by way of annual rituals performed which are called "Shhradh".

This young couple were educated people and quite forward looking and modern in their outlook. Yet not having a son was always their eternal cause of anxiety and sorrow. Soon a son was born in the household. Then the next child too was a son. A succession of daughters also followed.It was a large, prosperous and happy family.

As chance would have it, sadly both the sons died mysteriously. It was believed by the mother of the sons that someone had poisoned one of her sons and also that the evil eye had been cast on her sons. 

Once again sorrow and  desperation started living in their house, as tragedy had befallen twice, and the much coveted sons did not survive.

The Lady of the house kept as many fasts as she was advised to. She went on pilgrimage to every place that she could think of. She even trudged upto the Amarnath cave, in those days when the path leading to the Cave was not well maintained. It was a very treacherous climb, but faith moveth mountains, so this mountain moved the Lady in question.

Once on top of the Amarnath cave, for once the lord and master of the house put his foot down and told the lady not to promise that they would return to Amarnath if their boon was granted and their wish was fulfilled.

They had already promised the residing deities at Amritsar, Vaishno Devi and many others that they would return and give more offerings if and when a son was born in their family.

Perhaps collective prayer to so many Gods and Godesses had their effect and soon a son was born in this house. There was great rejoicing and celebrations in this household. The son was welcomed with a lot of pomp and show. 

Because of the fear of evil eye this boy was given only old clothes to wear, for one full year.

The family astrologer was consulted and all papers connected with janm kundli, tehwa, and horoscope forecasting the future of the boy was calculated and prepared.

Everything in the horoscope  was good, the future was bright, the boy would live and do well for himself and fulfill all his obligations and duties. His ancestors would rest in peace and would be well fed for ever and ever after.

There was just one thing predicted, which was an issue of anxiety. The boy was to meet a stranger in the train. That stranger was this boy's enemy from a previous birth. The stranger was going to take revenge  in this birth.

This story was put in the cold storage and for all practical purposes was forgotten by everyone.

Time passed and the boy grew up. As it was written in the stars, this boy met a person on the train, whom he befriended. The friendship looked healthy and both were comfortable with each other.

Yet there was something between them which did not allow happiness to last for too long. There were more downs than ups. Life started to become bitter. There were too many frictions, arguments and insults were hurled at each other vociferously and regularly.

The friend B could never understand why their great friendship always had this twinge of sadness, distrust and arguments. Until one day the story of the horoscope was told to him.

The whole picture became clear and the friend B could understand what the real problem was.

This friend A had grown up knowing that he would one day meet someone on the train who was going to wreck havoc in his life. When this prophecy came true and A actually met a stranger on the train, whom he befriended  the story that had been lying dormant in his memory raised its head without being intrusive.
To ensure that the train friend  would not cause any problem, A started being on the offensive and created as many problems as he could to make life insufferable for friend B. A had made it his habit to rebut everything that B suggested. It had become his stance to always throw back each and every suggestion made by friend B.
A  would seek advice about each and everything from Friend B. He would make an effort to show that he was listening and also that he valued the advise of B. Perhaps consciously he did believe that he valued the advise of B. Yet after taking the advise, A would invariably take an absolutely opposite stance. B being unaware of the reason for this kind of mistrusting attitude and behavior, could not fathom out this  distrust and offensive action. 

It was a sad tale of mistrust. A had himself made his own life miserable. He could never trust, had no faith and questioned each and every action of B. A had become a victim of the superstition and story told to him in his childhood. This stupid tale of rebirth and someone taking revenge in this birth had taken its toll. Poor A had become a victim of a sordid story told by some godman, who obviously did this to earn a living off gullible people who would give donations, perform Pujas with dakshina and propitiate the Gods to ensure that the ills that were foretold were warded off.

Sadly, A did not even know that this story was the cause of his mistrust and suspicious nature which never allowed him to trust anyone. All his actions had been performed without malice. Perhaps his sub conscious mind with the memory of this prophecy had taken charge of his behavior to ensure that no harm befell A. 

That is how superstition, blind faith destroys innocent lives without the people even knowing what actually hit them. Stories told in childhood usually have a lasting impression upon the psyche of all people. 
A rational person is one who questions everything including his own behavior. He takes conscious decisions and controls his own life pattern and behavior. He takes charge of his own life and takes corrective action to ensure the happiness of all, himself included.
As Buddha had said, we are responsible for our own happiness. He had said peace can be attained by our own self. We are responsible for our own thoughts and our thoughts shape our destiny.